


All the Stars in the Sky

by supernovella



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, arguing because they love each other, betty’s dad is an ass, but love does make you want to fix it, love does not fix mental health issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-08-29 05:38:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16738138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernovella/pseuds/supernovella
Summary: The Black Hood is dead, Betty is the serpent queen and they are on their senior year of High School. The blonde next door should have her thoughts on college, GPA numbers, extracurriculars and whether her relationship can survive the distance. Instead, Betty is struggling in silence. Everyone thinks she said goodbye to her darkness along with her father, but it is never that easy. Hal Cooper is a murderer and a liar, but before that he was her father. The one with the strongest hugs to make the nightmares go away, the parent who picked her up and brushed her off every time she fell, her strength and her safety during her entire childhood. She is broken inside, her palms are scarred, but she smiles and pretends because she wants her friends to be happy. The problem is, Jughead sees right through her.





	1. The Sun is Going Down

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Riverdale nor any of the characters in it, if I did the storyline in canon would be so different. But I have this. So; Archie is not going to prison, there is no Gargoyle King and Betty’s crazy mother and sister takes a backseat ride during this. This is my first attempt at Bughead fanfiction, so please give me any feedback you might have, good or bad. Enjoy!

She just can’t breathe. If she looks up, she will see that there is no noose tightening around her throat, no knife jabbed in between her ribs, no hood covering her eyes. Yet it feels so real, so tangible, the way her lungs are fighting an invisible force and the nausea rises in her throat. The memory of the cotton hood against her cheeks and temples is too vivid to forget. The sharp bark of Hot Dog from outside the bedroom door has her forcing her eyes open, despite the tears glistening there. Jughead and some of the serpents are out on a run, and it’s her duty to walk the dog. Her fingers are stiff as she uncurls them from the tight fists, blood glistening under her nails and in her soft palms, and she moves as through a thick fog, the few steps it takes to the door. It’s pure routine, grabbing the leash and stepping into her shoes, before walking outside. She doesn’t notice the blood making marks on the leather of the leash, or the glistening of her eyes. Every breath is a fight against an invisible power, and every step is a fight against herself. She keeps on walking, only because she refuses to let her own issues hurt an innocent animal.

 

* * *

 

 

They return to the trailer, and Hot Dog has yet to notice the anxiety that is threatening to eat Betty alive. It’s one of the bad days, made worse by Jughead’s absence and her own stubborn inability to ask for help. As they step up to the door, the dog starts jumping and barking, which draws Betty’s lips up, just a bit. They’re home, then.

As suspected, the door opens to show a living room full of serpents, and Hot Dog runs towards Sweet Pea in a second, to which the man picks him up eagerly and greets him with a baby voice you’d never guess he had. Toni snorts where she’s placed on the couch, Cheryl on her lap as if it is her own personal throne. “That dog makes no secret of who his favourite is.”

 

Betty glances down at the empty leash she’s holding and notices the dried mahogany stains of blood, both on her hands and the leather string. She makes to turn away to wash it off before someone else sees, but Jughead has already wrapped his fingers around her elbow and is pulling her to the side. “Jug, I-” She starts to explain, probably lie, but he interrupts her with a hand to her chin. “Don’t. I’m not going to yell at you. Just let me fix it.” She watches him in stunned silence and gives a weak nod, following him into the bathroom. When the door is locked and he’s holding her hands under the lukewarm rush of water, her throat tightens in emotion and she lets out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.”

Even as he’s working, his eyes locked on the crescent wounds where her nails have dug into her skin, he releases a soft sigh and his shoulders sag a bit. “You don’t have to apologise. I don’t need you to be spotless, but I need you to be _alive_.” When the blood is gone, the wounds are clear, and Jughead releases a low curse at the depth, the glistening of her flesh and veins. He wraps her up gently enough that she feels a new wave of guilt from how much patience he has with her, and when strong arms wrap around her and she’s pulled against a chest that smells of gasoline, Acqua di Gio and sweat, the dam breaks.

As much as Betty wants to hide away and fight her demons alone, there is something about her boyfriend’s embrace that always makes it all come falling down. She sobs in silence against his chest for what feels like hours, a soft hand stroking through her hair and a warm palm against her lower back. No words are spoken, and they stay like that until there’s a sharp knock on the wooden door, followed by FP’s voice. “You all right in there, kiddos? I was going to order pizza. What do you want?”

He means well and Betty hasn’t eaten all day, so she sighs slightly and raises her head, hands coming to wipe her tears. Before she reaches, Jughead is already there, wiping across her cheeks and pressing a kiss to her forehead before calling back to his father. “Be out in a second! One peperoni and one extra cheese.” For a second, despite everything going on in her mind and the losing battle with herself, Betty gives Jughead a thankful smile and soothes herself into acting mode, before they open the door and step out into reality.

The bandages around her hands are stark white and obvious, but one look from his son teaches FP better than to ask, so instead he gives them half a grin and heads to the phone. The room goes silent as her friends catch sight of the wrappings, but Betty curls her hands against her chest and they turn their eyes, pretending to not have seen. As her shoulders tense again, Jughead sneaks his arm around her waist and brings her straight into the group of people. Instead of judgement or blind eyes, they all start inviting her in. Their queen, that’s what she is. Seated at Jughead’s right side, part in all his decisions, protected and loved by everyone around the table. She knows this, and as they laugh and tell her everything that happened, she feels it in her bones. If she told them about the demons she is fighting, the darkness that keeps threatening to swallow her whole despite how she thought she gave it up, she knew they would be fighting it with her. They would worry, make sure she was never alone, find therapists and coping mechanisms and sleeping pills. Something tightens in her gut as she realises; that is exactly why she has yet to tell them.

 

* * *

 

 

The pizza arrives not long after the call has been made, and FP thankfully knows his men inside and out because even though there is a total of ten pizzas on seven people, there is nothing but empty cartons left by the time everyone starts making their way home. Cheryl and Toni drops off first, headed to Toni’s trailer for some quiet hours before school demands them awake and at attention the coming morning. Fangs and Sweet Pea take their time, bragging about the new tricks they’ve learnt and playing with Hot Dog until the dog suddenly spews pizza on the floor, and FP yells at the teenagers about giving pizza to the dog. So Sweet Pea grabs the white fluff of a pet below his arm and the two boys leave the trailer with apologetic murmurs. The silence falls when it’s just the three of them left, and FP gives them a nod before pulling into the leather jacket and heading out the door. Betty stays frozen on the couch, staring at her hands, because she knows the uncomfortable conversation is coming.

 

“Why?” It is one simple word, but Betty hears all the unspoken syllables in the tone of his voice and the way his throat tightens as he speaks. Why this time, he means. What happened today, what made her lose her cool, break the promise to herself, dig her nails so deep into her skin that there’s blood far beneath her nails. She stays silent for too long, because he curls two fingers around her wrists and tugs her closer, until he can push a hand beneath her chin and tilt her head to where she meets his eyes. “Betty.” Her name on his lips is both a prayer and a plead. The glistening in his eyes makes something coil in pain around her insides, and she lets her head drop down on his shoulder with a shaking sob.

“I want to be strong, Jug. I’m much rather strong and scarred, than bringing you all down with me. My father took so much away from all of you, from this town, that I can’t possibly keep dragging you down into my own inability to accept what he did. It is my issues to bear, and mine alone. Yet… When you’re gone, when I’m alone to my thoughts and memories, I can’t. I try to ignore it and think about something else, yet only physical pain can keep the imagined pain away. I’m trying not to, I am.”

Even as she speaks with conviction and depth, punctuates each promise despite the shake to her voice, she doesn’t quite know if it’s the truth. Obviously she wishes she was healthy, that she could truly leave her father behind and move on a better woman who learns from her mistakes. But despite what she wishes, that doesn’t happen by making a wish. And while she’s fighting to get there, the familiarity of long nails reopening the same half-moon scars again and again, the tangy scent of blood, is almost a comfort that she’s scared to lose.

Jughead knows her better than she is currently giving him credit for and perhaps better than she would like. He senses or hears the tremble in her words and the distrust she has towards her own ability to handle pain, and the curt sigh tells her he is fighting to keep his patience with her. The guilt rides though her again, threatens to bring the cheesy pizza right back up her throat, but then his hands are on her cheeks and cupping her face, and his lips are on her forehead, and her shoulders slump in resignation. He doesn’t even try to use words, knows that it is a battle the both of them will lose, and she is insanely grateful for it. Instead he moves her on to his lap, allows himself to fall back to where he is stretched out on the couch, and cradles her on his lap where she’s laid out along his body. She buries tear-stained cheeks and trembling jaw against his broad and safe chest, allows his arms to tighten around her until no dangers can ever reach her. 

Wordlessly, he holds her, until exhaustion drags her down into a dreamless sleep.


	2. One Breath at a Time

Betty loves sleeping. She loves the escape, the lack of thoughts and emotions, the serenity and safety of being away from the world. Like this, having fallen asleep on the couch in the trailer, she also loves waking up. She is still in Jughead’s arms, surrounded by his scent and warmth, and it takes a long while for her to realise it is actually her phone signal that has woken her up. She curls and squirms to get loose from the tight hold her boyfriend has on her, but Jughead’s arms wraps even harder every time she tries to get loose. It makes her laugh gently and she has to undo his arms from around her by force, before reaching out to grab the phone from the wooden table. However, her laughter is short lived, dying out at the sight of her mother’s ID on the screen.

“Hi.” Her voice is surprisingly rough and she clears her throat, causing a pause during which Alice finds her opportunity to start reprimanding her youngest daughter. For two minutes, she goes on and on about how worried she has been, how both she and Polly have called a hundred times. She tells Betty for the thousandth time that she is not allowed to stay over at someone else’s house without letting her mother know, she sighs that she is supposed to know better than this, and mutters something about being exhausted. While Alice is going off into her end of the phone, Betty slithers loose from Jughead’s arms and stretches her spine, before heading towards the kitchen to make some tea. When her mother finally pauses for a breath, Betty starts her replies. She apologises, explains that she fell asleep by accident, promises that she ate dinner and reassures the older Cooper woman that they are on their way to school.

It takes some coaxing and some more apologies and reassurance, but Alice finally allows Betty to hang up and head to school. When she pockets her phone, she lets out a low curse at the time, and heads to the couch where she strokes over Jughead’s arm. He still won’t wake, so she leans down and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. At first he barely even stirs, but then suddenly there is a hand in her hair and he is deepening the kiss, and she mentally rolls her eyes. Breaking apart, she tugs on his hand to make him sit up. “We’re late for school, Juggie. Time to get up.”

He keeps a strong hold on her hand and she knows he won’t move an inch unless she heads far off, so she makes herself step into the kitchen despite how badly she would like to join him on the couch again. He practically whines in protest and it tugs at her heartstrings. As she pours tea into two thermo mugs, she laughs slightly, looking through the window into the living room. “You know, if we ever have kids, you will no longer be my number one priority. Would you survive that?” He is pouting, eyes heavy with sleep, but Jughead reaches through the opening in the wall to grab the mug and step into his shoes. “Definitely not. I always need to be your first thought.” He nods as if it is completely serious, and she laughs. Despite the fresh ache in her palms and the heaviness on her heart, she breathes the easiest like this. Just him and her, playful and at ease, no worries in the world. They grab their jackets and their helmets, she holds on to both of their mugs as she sits behind him on the bike, and so they head off to a long day at school.

Veronica is already there when they arrive. They step inside, one hand holding the mugs and the other fingers tangled with each other’s. Shoulder to shoulder, same pace of step, matching Serpent jackets as if they are two pieces of the same puzzle. It takes three steps inside before there is a whirlwind of dark hair and high heels stealing Betty away. She feels her fingers lose their hold on the other hand and brings her head up to meet his eyes, fear flickering through her own for a second. He gives her a beaming smile just as Archie steps up to his side, waving a bit. “I’ll see you in gym.” She frowns but allows Veronica to pull her away without any further protests, pouting just the slightest as they head to class together. “You know, if the roles were reversed and I came and took you away before you could kiss Arch goodbye, you’d have me sterilised.” Despite the truth in the words, Veronica just gave a blinding grin before entering their first lesson for the day.

By the time gym starts, Betty is already emotionally drained. The sounds of zippers and the giggling of teenage girls in the locker room, is enough to make her groan internally – and the blinding lights and sharp tang of perfume. She changes on pure autopilot, into workout leggings and a tank top, before stepping into her gym shoes and tightening her ponytail. Veronica finishes moments later, and they step into the gymnastics hall together. The blonde catches sight of her boyfriend almost immediately, a small smile spreading her lips, and bringing her shoulders down noticeably. Despite wearing more clothes than she did to cheer practice, she feels vulnerable in a different way, always on edge. In case someone sees her hands, comments on the curve of her hips, tries to aim a ball at her and expects her to catch it. Today however, she feels that all her energy has been spent keeping up a happy appearance during the first three periods, and she silently decides to report herself sick and sneak home once gym class was over. The exercises leaves very little room for socialising, but Betty and Jughead manages to steal some looks, smiles sent across the room, fingers brushing together as they run past each other.

When the bell goes off, the girls and boys go their separate ways, Veronica going on and on about how _extremely attractive and distracting_ it had been when Archie had taken his shirt off to wipe his face. Betty takes her time on purpose, undressing slowly, and promising Veronica she’ll be fine, so that she ends up all alone in the locker room when she finally heads into the showers. Taking her time to enjoy the silence, then the white noise of running water, Betty showers thoroughly. Rinses her hair, lathers herself with soap and shampoo as if washing away more than sweat and dirt. All in all it takes about twenty minutes before she is dressing again, and she gathers up her things before heading straight to the office. In a weak voice and tired eyes, she excuses herself, stating she has a terrible headache and r _eally needs to go home to sleep it off, or god forbid she might miss even more classes_. Due to her usually exemplary attendance, she is told to go home without much further ado, and heads out immediately. Still walking slow, down and up the roads, not really minding the chilly air on her cheeks and the smell of rain in the air. By the time she’s silently entering her own home, there’s already an abundance of missed calls and worried texts on her phone. She knows she should care. Should feel guilty she hasn’t answered, that her friends are wondering where she is and she is ignoring them on purpose. But she is exhausted, and frankly just wants to lie down and cry for a long, long time. Instead, as she is boiling water for a cup of tea, she finds herself dialing the phone number of a lawyer she knows very well.

**Author's Note:**

> So, there you have it! Chapter one. Disclaimer; I do not have a clue what cologne Jughead actually uses, nor what the Acqua di Gio smells like, but I thought it would fit. Nor do I actually know what pizza toppings they prefer. Sue me.


End file.
